O miserable apes, pathetic impudent MONKEYS!!
How dare you destroy my masterpiece, my Dimensia I.
O how brave Richard Branson must think himself after his raid upon my beloved fortress, striking the very point that I highlighted in my previous post. Before you get to highminded Branson, know this, it was I that pointed that out that little trick, not you and your perfect little hairdo!
Who could have possibly thought that he'd use a HOT AIR BALLON to reach my Dimensia I. Then the billionaire adventurer terrorist blew up my creation, and sent it crashing down into the ocean of...whatever that pathetic puddle of water is called.
I might have let it go Branson, you know, a professional tip-of-the-hat, arch-villain to arch-hero, but no...not after what you did. Not after you floated down to that Ibiza beach in that bright red and white ballon, to the throbbing throngs of lithe partygoers like some kind of mythic god. Not after they waved and welcomed you as a conquering hero. Not after you smiled that damn fool smile of yours and joined in their writhing dance, sipping champagne and winking for the cellphone cameras.
No, not now Branson.
Now.
It's war.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
At last, the time has come...
Humanity's time has come to an end. At long last, I have constructed the inter-dimensional portal that will allow my legions to access this pathetic little world. Now my Aeroship fleets and my Hawkmen will darken the skies, and the world will moan as I crush all resistance.
Nothing can stop me now, the Gravimetric-reality-chains are in place, and the space-time fabric has been peeled back. Even now, my forces are coming through the gate, massing at a secret location upon earth. The fortress, known as Dimensia I, that I have constructed at the portal shall obliterate anything that puny earthlings could possibly devise.
You know what? I don't even care if you know where the secret location is...in fact. Yes, I will tell you! High above the decadent isle known as "Ibiza" my forces mass to conquer earth. Even now we can hear the thrum of the islands "House music" and see all of the lithe young people and their hedonistic ways. Pathetic. If you think that is hedonism, wait until my reign you miserable apes.
You know what else? I don't even care if you know about Dimensia I. In fact, yeah, okay, know this, Dimensia I is impregnable, except for a single narrow access tunnel on the surface of sector 1, grid seven, by the plasma conduits. A precise strike, right at the manifold behind the control pad will start a chain reaction of plasma explosions that would ultimately destroy Dimensia I and the portal....poor little apes...you can't even fathom how to possibly exploit this!
Such is my power, I give you the knowledge you need...and you miserable monkeys still can't stop me!
I am laughing now, and I would translate this into type except I cannot recall how Lunatron reflected laughing in type at this moment. It was LLL or LDL or something, but that's not important, what is important is that you will now throw all of your feeble rockets, missiles, nuclear bombs and planes at Dimensia I in a vane attempt at destroying it, and I will watch from Xanadu and laugh, and clench my fists in joy as you waste your world military power!
Comrades, fellow Eternal Elementals, prepare for attack!
Nothing can stop me now, the Gravimetric-reality-chains are in place, and the space-time fabric has been peeled back. Even now, my forces are coming through the gate, massing at a secret location upon earth. The fortress, known as Dimensia I, that I have constructed at the portal shall obliterate anything that puny earthlings could possibly devise.
You know what? I don't even care if you know where the secret location is...in fact. Yes, I will tell you! High above the decadent isle known as "Ibiza" my forces mass to conquer earth. Even now we can hear the thrum of the islands "House music" and see all of the lithe young people and their hedonistic ways. Pathetic. If you think that is hedonism, wait until my reign you miserable apes.
You know what else? I don't even care if you know about Dimensia I. In fact, yeah, okay, know this, Dimensia I is impregnable, except for a single narrow access tunnel on the surface of sector 1, grid seven, by the plasma conduits. A precise strike, right at the manifold behind the control pad will start a chain reaction of plasma explosions that would ultimately destroy Dimensia I and the portal....poor little apes...you can't even fathom how to possibly exploit this!
Such is my power, I give you the knowledge you need...and you miserable monkeys still can't stop me!
I am laughing now, and I would translate this into type except I cannot recall how Lunatron reflected laughing in type at this moment. It was LLL or LDL or something, but that's not important, what is important is that you will now throw all of your feeble rockets, missiles, nuclear bombs and planes at Dimensia I in a vane attempt at destroying it, and I will watch from Xanadu and laugh, and clench my fists in joy as you waste your world military power!
Comrades, fellow Eternal Elementals, prepare for attack!
Monday, March 3, 2008
Know the Harbingers of Your Destruction
Feeble humans. Tied so tightly to your home that you dare not look up into the sky and wonder what horrors lie in wait. Across the vast and countless centuries since my banishment I have mastered technologies and magicks largely unknown to mankind. You study your string theory and your quantum mechanics and fail to grasp what truly moves this universe. I have broken the bonds of time to achieve immortality. You sit in wonder of your plasma screen televisions. I have created the harbingers of your ultimate doom. You fashion shredded chicken meats into crudely shaped crowns for your Burger King (trust me when I say no king of any kind will be able to resist the might of the Eternal Elementals).
Behold, the Moonrock Men!
Beings of unfathomable strength and size hewn from the living rocks of the moon. At over 30 feet in height, my legions of Moonrock Men are more than a match for an feeble Earth-bound device. Tanks are no match for their superior armored rockskin. I have blessed them with a portion of my intelligence so as to grant them the ability to outwit even your most gifted of strategists. And here on the moon they are so lithe as to be considered the jaguars of Luna. Nothing can save you, humanity. We will start our attack by first bombarding you with boulders hurled from the moon by my Moonrock Men. Shortly thereafter we will land on your pitiful planet. Know, then, the falling comets are portents of doom!
Also, c'mon, guys. We're supposed to be the future dictators of humanity. Cut the in-fighting. It only makes us seem petty.
Behold, the Moonrock Men!
<!img src="moonrockmen_family_portrait.jpeg" err="Failed to load image" />Beings of unfathomable strength and size hewn from the living rocks of the moon. At over 30 feet in height, my legions of Moonrock Men are more than a match for an feeble Earth-bound device. Tanks are no match for their superior armored rockskin. I have blessed them with a portion of my intelligence so as to grant them the ability to outwit even your most gifted of strategists. And here on the moon they are so lithe as to be considered the jaguars of Luna. Nothing can save you, humanity. We will start our attack by first bombarding you with boulders hurled from the moon by my Moonrock Men. Shortly thereafter we will land on your pitiful planet. Know, then, the falling comets are portents of doom!
Also, c'mon, guys. We're supposed to be the future dictators of humanity. Cut the in-fighting. It only makes us seem petty.
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